Dear Fellowship, I am sorry that I let my guard down and let the devil wiggle his way back in my life. You see the devil knows it's had to give up something you have been doing for many years, especially when it's had total control of you. None of us are perfect, some worse than others, but no matter how bad it was, God can transform us to be more like Christ Jesus. I know this because I was lost so deep in the devil's grips that I never in my wildest dreams would have thought God could ever try to turn my life around. I have come a long way since then. With the help of Gateway Recovery Center in 2004 - that 3 months was the start for my drug addiction, and the start to understanding the physical condition I was going through. "HIV" Twelve years prior to 2004, my third love broke my heart. After 4 or more years of having the all-American dream: Business, buying a home, etc., etc. I caught the love of my life in bed with her dope man. I lost it, I beat him up and then went to jail for assault and battery, bonded out and found I had a restraining order against me. I couldn't go to my home. I lost everything - money, business, truck, boat, tools, and my house. "Wow, all gone." But most of all, the one I really and truly loved. This was around 1992. I was so depressed, homeless and heartbroken so bad I didn't want to live. I got a motel room and had unprotected sex with a very cute girl. See, the devil had caught me when I was so vulnerable. What I am trying to say is the devil can disguise himself as something so attractive. I caught HIV around 1992. First think I thought was, "I got the death package," so I turned to drugs thinking they would make me feel better. Bang, strike me again, devil. Now I am homeless, dying, an addict, and no family to turn to. I was now in a suicidal mode wanting God to take me out of this world. Because of the life I was living my health got worse. HIV went to AIDS, then I caught Pneumonia, cancer, and had blood transfusions, spinal taps and even a stroke. I was finally dying, painfully. Because of the stroke, I would up at the Shands Pavillion for 2, maybe 3, months, at 110 pounds hooked up to everything possible to keep me alive. A doctor asked me if I wanted to go to Hospice to die. At this time, a lady had been coming into my room and was reading from the Bible. For about two weeks this went on and then she left. Because of her persistence in reading that Bible, something clicked. I think you know what that was - the Holy Spirit. My health took a turn for the good. I left the hospital and started going to churches. God was really working my heart then. Finally I gave in and said, "Lord, if you won't let me die, then let's get it on." I got saved in 2007. Getting saved was great. I got a two bedroom apartment and went through so many roommates. See, these roommates I thought I was helping were just using me. Being saved wasn't enough. God wanted me to help myself first. I lost that apartment, I then went to Neptune Beach and bounced from church to church, still having relapses. I wasn't stable. See, I thought being saved was enough. "Ha!" God wasn't finished with just being saved. He wanted more. I tell you the devil knew this, that's why the devil was having his way with me still. I asked my preacher, "Why can't I get away from that darn old devil," and he told me I needed to come to Christ totally. "Do what?" That's when the Holy Spirit led me to thinking I need to get more connected. So I got a tent, left Mayport and crossed the Ferry to Talbot Island State Park. I had no access to buses or street people. I had nature, peace and my Bible. In five months of camping, I started understanding what God wanted. That was, "He wanted all of me." While I was camping and seeking more from the Lord, He led me to the church that I became a member of. (Saint George Episcopal) In that time I have seen and learned a lot from the members here. I've seen 3 reverends without one church split. I have seen new visitors still coming in to the services. I have learned how important it is to give. The love from my Church is unbelievable. When I see and talk to the members of my church, I can see the love and desire you all have for the Lord. I want to serve my Lord and personal Savior with the desire and will I see in you all. As a person living with cancer and HIV AIDS, I see my life as a race against illness and disease, against fear and uncertainly, against discrimination and predjudice. A race against time, and it has been a difficult journey with many twists and turns and Lessons about time. Because of my illness, I am reminded each day that time is a privilege given to us by God, a luxury afforded to us along with the possibility that each of us can make a difference in this world. Your journey is no different. I'm not asking for your sympathy, but only for your prayers and support that I become more like "Christ Jesus." Love you all, Daniel Carmain